Parenting

Parenting is tough work.

That seems like such an obvious statement. But let me elaborate. I am really finding it tricky sometimes to parent in a gentle way.

Sometimes I get it - and I like how that makes me, and consequently my son, feel. I love those moments when he is frustrated or upset, and I can just get down on his level, and with gentleness, work on why he is feeling that way. I like when I can curb my anger and treat him with dignity and love, even when he disobeys.

But often I don't get it - and I see something in his eyes that registers that I am angry with him. That Mommy is mad at him. I hate those times. Like today, when in a moment of total frustration, I purposely used a loud voice to scare him ("Sam! NO!") as he was about to get into something in the kitchen. He jumped, and then bawled. And the funny this is, he still ran to ME. I was mean to him, and he still came to me. (I realize that THAT won't happen for too much longer...) It took milliseconds for the reality of what I did to sink in... I got down and held him as he cried. I cried to know that I had caused this. To know that I could have simply asked him not to get into the drawer. I didn't have to act that way. I said to him, "I'm so sorry Sammy, Mommy didn't mean to scare you". Then I corrected, "Actually, Mommy DID mean to scare you, and for that, I am so sorry. That was wrong of me." I told him I loved him. And I pray that the feelings of that situation stay with me the next time my temper reaches boiling point.

My good friend Claire wrote a great post about this recently, which just hit the nail on the head for me. And there's another great blog I read about parenting a while back, which also really resonated with me. I'm thankful for others around me that encourage me in my parenting goals.

Some good friends of the Chetneys got Kris and I a book when we had Sam - it's called "Espresso for you Spirit: Hope and Humor for Pooped Out Parents". It's a book of little stories and fun quips about child-rearing, written by a long-time parenting counsellor. I kind of thought it was cheesy, so I just stuck it in the bathroom and kind of forgot about it. Then yesterday, I picked it up for the first time, and read something that really got me:

Oh, how much I want to be more like Him as I parent my children - to sense what is going on inside their hearts and be a hugger rather than a hammer.

To offer a smile rather than a scowl.

To say, "I believe in you" when they find it hard to believe in themselves.

To see the pain driving the profanity.

To listen rather than lecture.

To model rather than mandate.

To bring peace rather than pressure.

I think I might write this out and stick it on my fridge to remind me of my goals. To parent the way that my Father parents. To parent with peace and gentleness and grace - instead of anger and control and frustration.

I am so thankful that there is grace in this journey.